This year has been a roller coaster of ups and downs.
I seem to swing from social media to social media as people find me on one I retreat to another. Currently I am hiding happily on Tumblr and hope that people don't eventually find me. It's kind of an interesting situation honestly. The people I am most honest with in the world are those that I have never met. My tumblr followers or people that I follow could ask me basically anything and I would be completely honest with them whereas if I talk to most/all of the people I know in real life I would give them a crap answer that while not being completely socially acceptable it is the perfect balance of crazy and normal that they can swallow.
The basic reason is those people online that I don't know and that don't know me, I don't care about. Some of them I might if I really knew them. Most of them we agree on a lot of things (or else I wouldn't follow them and they wouldn't follow me) but I don't know them so therefore I don't care about them.
I can't explain myself. I don't understand myself most of the time so how in the world am I supposed to explain the complicated insanity that is my brain? I care about almost everything. To much and to often is basically my problem in life. No matter what you do, have done, or will ever do. No matter how much you hate me, like me, love me. Mo matter if I like you, love you, or hate you. I will always care. If you have been my friend, you always will be. No matter how hard I try I will always care about what happens to you. No matter how much I try to deny or hide it I honestly hope you the best in life. And that attribute is the shortcut button on the desktop of my life to a sucker punch to the gut. My responce has been to make it as difficult as possible for anyone to worm their way into my feelings. I put up one killer password on my profile but there's this little catch; I let you think you cracked it. I let people see what people want to see. They see emotion and honest and caring. But they only see the shadow of the real thing.
I discovered that there is a vaccine for caring. It's like any vaccine. You catch the disease and survive. You care about someone way to much and then it falls apart and suddenly you have the resistance for it.
This post wasn't supposed to be depressing but I'm listening to the Civil Wars currently and they have that effect on me. So for the happy note at the end and the whole point to my swinging from social site to social escape is that the escape that is Tumblr has been amazing and I am quite happy to be there quite happily for sometime. One of my favorite T.V. shows Once Upon a Time currently just wrapped up its third season and I absolutely loved 95% of it. My OTP has taken a huge step forward and I am beyond elated. So if anyone out there in the teeming void of the internet actually reads this than you really need to check out the show. It's amazing and if you start loving it you can find me on Tumblr and we can fangirl together.
