Audere Est Facere: to dare is to do

Real Life 

Hero of Walgreens

   I've seen a lot in the past few months that has shown me how much the adults lied to us. Honestly, think about it. Between TV shows, Books, Disney movies, and video games we were raised to think like we are the hero. We were raised to look for the wise old man to train us. Never trust the old lady, or the stepmother. Find an ancient secret or source of power and use it to fight the forces of evil. If you're the guy, save the girl. If you're the girl, be the sassy/spunky sidekick and after the initial clash you'll get the guy. If you're the funny one, you're most likely the sidekick that everyone loves. If you're brooding then you're the mysterious guy that all the girls love. As a side effect you'll get great hair, seriously even if you're a guy you get amazing hair. Exhibit A, Exhibit B, Exhibit C. 

   All of these things are lies. Trust me, old men are usually grumpy and not members of a secret society of warriors. Old women usually love cats and want to tell you about all their grandchildren and stepmothers are no different than biological mothers. Yeah, good luck with finding the force, getting your letter from Hogwarts, or finding out that you're a bender and there are no blatant, easily identifiable sources of evil. (No Wal-Mart is not a source of evil that you can attack with lightsabers and blasters) In real life if you're the guy you're one of the extras that gets maybe three seconds of face time (with a terrified facial expression I might add). In real life if you're the girl, all you have to be is prettier than the the girl that the guy used to like, no personality, intelligence, or amicability necessary. (Or facial expression) If you're the the funny one, ok you're still the sidekick that everybody loves that's just a fact of nature. If you're brooding you're emo and everyone avoids you like the unhygienic plague. And unless you're an actress or a singer or a genetic jackpot, you're the average shmuck that along with 98% of the population is on the average to ugly in the hair category. Exhibit A, Exhibit B, Exhibit C, Bonus. 

   In summary you're are most likely an average Joe with normal friends, no special powers, who avoids old people, and is constantly hoping for the good life that everyone seems to have but no one really does and finally, you have boring hair. And that folks is the way the cookie crumbles. No force, no owl-delivered-letter, no ring-of-power, no mad-man-in-a-blue-box. One thing we do have going for us. We have Tacos.