Data Venia: with due respect

Polite Insults

In the South we say 'Bless their heart'

   How many times through out the day do you wish you could just pull a Batman and POW! punch all the annoying people in your life. We all tell everyone we know about that one person who just annoys the tar out of you. I'm not talking about the toolbag who broke up with you or that bruja that stole your ex. You legitimately do want those people to fall off a bridge. I'm talking about those people that are alive simply because it's against the law to shoot them. They basically are just a waste of oxygen and space and are the reason why every other word out of your mouth is sarcasm. You may want to literally yell at them or physically throw them out the window but you restrain yourself to a constant stream of sarcasm whenever they're around. 

   Sarcasm is an amazing thing. It allows you to insult idiots without them realizing it while still relieving that pent up frustration and loathing. I have several people at work that because of their southern upbringing we can have fantastic battles of wits armed with sarcasm. Probably the most enjoyable part is the unarmed masses around us looking on in bewildered confusion having no idea why we hate each other so much. I would hazard that some of them could not even understand what we were saying. 

   If you've spent any time in the south you will discover that the phrase, "Bless your heart" is no endearing compliment of a old southern belle. It's a thinly veiled cover up to say whatever they wish, "Bless her heart, she never was the prettiest bloom on the magnolia." "Bless his heart, he couldn't tell the front of a tractor from the back of the barn." "He is the slowest reader I have ever seen, bless his heart." The funny part is that about half of the people who say it actually do mean to be kind when they're straight up being just mean. But that's the advantage of being born and raised in the south, you can really get away with anything you want to say about someone when you tack on the phrase.

   In general I love having a battle of sarcasm with people I actually like because then I have a clear head to banter with. When I actually can't stand the person it's like dueling with one hand tied behind my back because I am constantly restraining myself to sarcasm instead of pure venom. Anyone can be vindictive when they want to be but most don't want to. If you take off the filter of societal norms, politeness, fear of what others think, and fear of the repercussions and you would get what people truly think. It would be amazing, and horrifying at the same time. So many times when we slip and say what we want to but know we shouldn't, bad things always happen. 

   So unless you are one hundred percent sure that you want to say what you are going to say. Don't say it if it is going to drastically change things. Trust me, homeostasis is better than unwanted change most of the time. But on the flip side, if everything is going to Tartarus in a hand basket then what the heck? Try speaking your mind.